it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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