Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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