I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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