so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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