did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Success! We fucked roommates!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
