Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
