Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
