dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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