Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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