Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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