i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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