U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
