he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
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You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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