No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
