i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Sorry my hands just texted you
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
