last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
