I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
