oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
