i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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