tell your sister to shave her snatch
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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