Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I have fence marks all over my body
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