I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
