people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize