my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
