oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
