she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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