Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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