I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
