i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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