I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
