the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
What a dumb baby whore.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
