He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
