I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
