whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
