OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I wish I only lived at night.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
