just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
