good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize