The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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