I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
