Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
