I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
