the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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