Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
