I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
