I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
