Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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