did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
