I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
