I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
