my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
