you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
