He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
