i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
