I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
