I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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