yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
