Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
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I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize