yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
