the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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