This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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